The Accidental Dog Trainer

Last weekend I was out in the park with a client training a dog. The session was interrupted by another dog running up out of control. The owners feigned unconcern, and did nothing. This is probably just as well, because I would be willing to bet that if they had called their dog he would not have come to them. It’s not that the dog was untrained. Dogs learn from experience 24 hours a day. But do we realise what we are teaching them? The dog in the park was absolutely reliable about not coming when called. This is how it is done.

Call your dog when she is distracted, doing something really interesting or moving away from you. This gives you the maximum chance of being ignored. To avoid embarrassment, always chase your dog to catch her. Run around in ever-increasing circles, bellowing more and more loudly at the errant animal. This will teach her to run away from you - great fun for your dog, but the opposite of coming when called.

Language is what distinguishes us from the beasts, so make the most of it. I once stood transfixed in the park while a woman called her dog. In the time it took to call him seventeen times (yes, after the first five I started counting) the dog had a bit of a run, sniffed various parts of the landscape and had the occasional squirt at the interesting bits. Then despite (not because of) her calling, he frolicked back in her direction. She had given him a good training session in ignoring her, ensuring that each time he did so, he was rewarded by one of his favorite activities. In fact it was the highlight of his day. He is very pleased with her. He hopes to get her up to twenty by the end of the week.

Ignore your dog as she comes towards you. This will increase the chance of your dog veering off towards something more interesting (such a tree stump) when halfway to you. This is especially important if you want to compete in obedience trials, where the dog will have to come all the way to you without a word of encouragement.

Eventually, after an invigorating game of chasey, the dog should be grabbed by the collar, and dragged away. Some owners let go of the collar after a few metres and the whole performance is repeated, this time with the dog having learnt to evade capture for a longer period. After a few lessons the dog develops “grabitis”, which in advanced cases takes the form of coming instantly when called to a point about one metre in front of the owner, thereupon dancing and dodging just out of reach. For advanced dogs, bear in mind that in obedience trials you will lose points for a crooked sit. Whenever your dog comes to you in the park, grab her by the collar, shout “sit straight!” and dump her two degrees to the left or right.

Punish your dog for coming to you. When you have had enough of walking in the park, call your dog, and in the rare event that she comes to you, snap the lead on quickly and leave. With regular training, the dog will realise that coming when called in the park means the end of all the fun. If your dog doesn’t come to you, wait until she become sick of playing, and returns voluntarily. A thoughtful tactic used by some dog owners who have retrieved their runaway is to grab the dog and bellow “You **** dog. No! No! Don’t you ever do that again. You bad dog.” At this moment the dog, a fast learner, is thinking “That’s funny. I thought you wanted me to come back. I won’t make that mistake again.”